Updated: Jan 13
What started as the 'Year of Abundance' for my business, quickly turned into the 'Year of all things you wouldn't have expected but you have to deal with it anyway'. So many persons globally dealt and are still dealing with the effects of the pandemic, lockdowns and everything that comes up in between. Just like the wild unexpected turns that popped up during the year 2020, I experienced somethings I didn't think would have ever happen in my lifetime.
When the lockdown occurred in Trinidad and Tobago in March, I panicked for all of 15 mins. I did not comprehend how my only means of income was going to miraculously survive, what seemed at the time, the end of the world as we knew it to be. My bf took me for a walk, listened to me ranting, and then said 'What is meant to happen will and we will be fine'.
Less than 24hrs after that, the website was completely sold out and kept on being sold out for the rest of the year. I was unprepared for the overwhelming support of local and international clients who came to me and I was now faced with quickly upgrading my business to accommodate such an influx.
But in June, my bf and I carefully prepared our mental and our space to receive a baby into the world. An unexpected surprise that we shared with our dear friends, family, and colleagues. However, not all divine blessings are meant to come through the gates of life, and we mourned the loss of our unborn child.
After my urgent surgery, I did what I had habitually done. Work! Not the most efficient coping mechanism. But now that I wasn't going to have a physical baby, why not work on the one I have been building since 2016.I worked extra hard, set up too many meetings in my day, included promotions, and planed more than I should typically have. But why wasn't it working? Why wasn't my being productive improving me as much as I thought it would? It's because my body and mind needed rest but if I stopped instantly I knew I would naturally have to face myself and my complex emotions.
Eventually, like all machines you neglect to deal with, I completely broke down and cried hysterically for 4 days. Bitterly accusing God, reasonably blaming the challenging year, and blaming myself for something I undoubtedly had no control over. My support system was there but I blocked that out because it isn't easy accepting positive advice when you feel as if your entire world was crumbling.
After about two weeks, I underwent a clearing session with Shalizahr of Zahr Wellness. Her counsel, herbs, and spiritual work supported me to consciously make healthier decisions for my mental health. I joked with her telling her "Maybe next time I'd have twins" to which she said, "It will happen in Divine timing." Divine timing displays a huge sense of humor because at the end of October, while I was still working on my cleanses, healing myself and in the most hectic time of the year, we found out we were having none other than Twins. I'd share the full story in my following post.
This entire roundabout thought me that looking within myself and taking the time to address my raw emotions, connect with loved ones and open myself up to beloved, is the best thing I can do for myself. It may have by force been a challenging year but there is so much to be grateful for. A clever lady told me that no matter how much you plan, you can reverse the direction of the moon but if it is inevitably meant to happen, if you are meant to rise, you'd rise. I learned that being patient and trusting God or the Universe and myself will allow all things meant for my highest good to come to me..